Today I've started venturing mentally into areas I never would have even considered a few years ago. I think I've reached a point where my doubts in the infallibility of the Bible have reached critical mass and now there is a major shift taking place. I've begun to strongly consider identifying as a Deist. I don't think I can believe any longer some of the stories in the Bible, as well as the core doctrine of God only being accessible through the death of Jesus. However I find myself unable to completely reject Christianity, so at the moment I guess I would identify as sort of a Christian Deist, bouncing back and forth.
Deism is appealing to me because of its mental freedom. There is no need to take prophets from thousands of years ago at their word, or faith in a massive collection of stories that cannot be proven. One is free to completely believe in science. I cannot drift over to Atheism however, as my faith and relationship with God is far too important. I would be free to believe in God based on reason, and not by complete faith in a story. I feel that my relationship with God would strengthen and deepen if I didn't have the mental and moral shackles that traditional Christianity requires. Although I don't want to leave Christianity, I am finding it more and more difficult to believe that God requires belief in a penal substitution to enter into a relationship with him/her/it.
I don't know. I have a hard time leaving Christianity behind out of fear of falling out of favor with God because I've made the wrong decsion. But my own logic and reason seem to be pointing me in the direction of Deism, I don't feel much compulsion from God to remain with Christianity. We'll see what happens.
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